blood curdling white knuckling nerve racking nerve endings strained and volatile blood pumping head is a hospital trauma becomes anatomical pins and needles empty handed loss or surroundings heart pounding bellowing bursting tossing turning dormant seeds compost burning naked and exposed I am not a home naked and exposed I am not a home genetic disturbance got no release and I’m nervous short circuit I am the beast I’m a currant a transitory observance quantum locked Into service life is a serpent a portrait of grief power surges life is a surgeon my bed at night feels like dante’s inferno I’m a commercial of rehearsals of role reversals straight line moving in circles insides are bullfighting done hiding teeth grinding done trying smiling while I’m crying self denying self vilifying backbiting realigning got the heart of a lion embrace my defiance new face that I’m trying I’m alphabetizing my failures and I forgot…. I got the eyes of a stranger teeth marks in my head i'm in danger oppressed by my own worst behavior let the devil in my bed self traitor hate tailored to my flesh This my eternal return rug burns curses unlearned whole life been a u-turn upside down bell curve rebirth insides are bullfighting done hiding teeth grinding done trying smiling while I’m crying self denying self vilifying backbiting realigning got the heart of a lion embrace my defiance new face that I’m trying I’m alphabetizing my failures and I forgot F blood curdling white knuckling nerve racking nerve endings strained and volatile blood pumping head is a hospital trauma becomes anatomical pins and needles empty handed loss or surroundings heart pounding bellowing bursting tossing turning dormant seeds compost burning naked and exposed I am not a home naked and exposed I am not a home

anger my forcefield human my shield despair my forcefield human my shield secret language I wield secret anguish I feel how do I heal broken my seal society of strangers privacy endangered angels are wagered wounded exchanges body a riddle riddled with vigils and symbols and whittled to signals and impulse let the windows blow echoes through my skull thousands of wounds in me they weep pure gold I've seen how things that seek their way find void instead i’m a product of your observation I’m the product of your observation I’m the product of your observation death isn’t real heal what I could be i don’t know I fucking kid around gender my pantomime shame is a victimless crime my awkward design death isn’t real heal what I could be I don’t know I fucking kid around gender my pantomime shame is a victimless crime my awkward design I'm the product of your observation button mashing dissociation so patiently waiting for placement I’ve been so many different parts of the same equation I’ve waded thru sludge taste buds taste blood on my paystubs I can feel my guts paint there windows shut my skin feels like bugs laughing at the parts of me that are gone the old me is telling me to get off my lawn what parts does that belong singing the words to the wrong song trying to predict my own death reading my own palm I am my own mom I am my own parent I am so transparent packing my lunch the lines have been drawn I must confront the hunt i’m on the hunt for real my flesh is a parody testing heresy I will not lock my polarities frothing for familiarity temporarily I yearn for my sincerity I burn mind racing heart racing no finish lines mind racing heart racing no finish line mind racing heart racing no finish lines death isn’t real heal what I could be I don’t know I fucking kid around gender my pantomime shame is a victimless crime my awkward design death isn’t real heal what I could be i don’t know I fucking kid around gender my pantomime shame is a victimless crime my awkward design pitfalls enshrined in others eyes take death for a joyride which parts of me are petrified open wide don't know what u might find empty child just trying to hide Is living just beating a dead horse Is giving just part of the blood sport Is living just killing a dead horse Is loving part of the blood sport OH I DON’T KNOW

teeth falling out my mouth….. nowhere but up my trust drains my blood with wanderlust where is us? inside me I make the cut find you in my gut my self love is numb I can feel it on my tongue I can turn it into words it’s just fire in my lung i’m addicted to the burn i just need to learn to trust t rust trust trust finding poetry in grime two black holes for eyes finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry let sleeping dogs lie writhing in time finding poetry in grime let sleeping dogs lie writhing in time finding poetry in grime two black holes for eyes finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry let sleeping dogs lie let sleeping dogs lie let sleeping dogs lie let sleeping dogs die let sleeping dogs lie finding poetry in grime two black holes for eyes finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry finding love where the milk of human kindness runs dry let sleeping dogs lie I wish I could be haunted by your ghost I wish I could be haunted by your ghost but I’m haunted by memories and when there gone that's when I miss you the most I wish I could be haunted by your ghost but I’m haunted by memories and when there gone that's when I miss you the most I wish I could be haunted by your ghost but I’m haunted by memories and when there gone that's when I miss you the most talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost hate me just the way you are talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost hate me just the way you are talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost teeth falling out my mouth set myself on fire just so you can put me out living with this doubt drinking from this drought making deals Like i’m faust take a different route I just want to make you proud teeth falling out my mouth set myself on fire Just so you can put me out living with this doubt drinking from this drought making deals like i’m faust take a different route I just want to make you proud talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost hate me just the way you are talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost hate me just the way you are talk to myself in baby talk relearning how to walk marinating in this loss tied up in knots I’m still lost

stayed up all night looking at all the animals that have gone extinct bodies buried and left behind doom scrolling through food chain shortages and doomsday plans til my body sinks and I lose my mind obsessively researching near death experiences and ways to elongate the human lifespan I’m running out of time It feels like everything is happening all at once and I’m slowly getting shrink wrapped and I’m stuck waiting in line to buy something I’m not sure that I want and I want to be one with everything thing don’t shine the way they used to things don’t shine the way they used to maybe I need religion or admission or to be forgiven or to forgive maybe I need a head on collision with my past selves and seatbelts let it all melt together in the crash sleepwalking who have I haunted how much have I already forgotten I am exhausted I am a gauntlet of spells what desires need to be shelved paranoia like piranhas afraid of my face afraid of my karma i call up my old number and i cry to the dial tone I wake up in cold sweats and talk to god whenever i’m alone who was the first person to ask for permission and who was the first person to say no listen to the silence it turns valleys into echoes bends forrest and takes the water from the mouths of the dead conversations feel like death threats cradled in a place where all time converges pushing the rocks of infinity the gears of time pulverizing bodies into dust tangled in highways forgotten like street names memories growing pains rose tinted male gaze a bed of nails a sea of beige a cave of yesterday’s i am the numbness buried deep beneath your family tree a soothing place between wake and sleep listen to the silence it turns valleys into echoes bends forrest and takes the water from the mouths of the dead conversations feel like death threats cradled in a place where all time converges pushing the rocks of infinity the gears of time pulverizing bodies into dust tangled in highways forgotten like street names memories growing pains rose tinted male gaze a bed of nails a sea of beige a cave of yesterday’s

your too much but are you enough? your too much but are you enough? are you worthy of love? is love worthy of us? your too much but are you enough? your too much but are you enough? your too much but are you enough? are you enough? are you enough? your too much but are you enough? your too much but are you enough? are you enough are you enough? i’m a lonesome dove wear my skin like a medical glove i’m a lonesome dove wear my skin like a medica glove i’m a lonesome dove wear my skin like a medica glove i’m a lonesome dove wear my skin like a medical glove the past petrified in my body the past petrified in my body the past petrified in my body the past petrified in my body my boooodyyyy my bodddyyyy

caked on anmnesia caked on synesthesia the organ grinder's monkey survivor of the money woman without a country caked on amnesia caked on synesthesia the organ grinder's monkey survivor of the money woman without a country the cries are ignored dragonflies my regalia drown me in in paraphernalia mirror double edged sword gouge me until see clearer breath drawing nearer gender funhouse mirror my social dysplasia prey upon my divination flesh coat of pain body leaching out the frame coursing through my veins burning in water drowning in flames circling the drain flesh coat of pain i will not die in vain with a flesh coat of pain my insides are hate crimes my outsides are straight lines def to the grapevine confined by my cloud 9 i spit at father time all of my past lives i’m mourning my past lives as they try and swallow me blood viscosity love animosity the dichotomy of dishonesty egregore lobotomy walking swarm of penal colonies spit on the face of father time my existence is a hate crime can't walk in a straight line the cries are ignored dragonflies my regalia drown me in in paraphernalia mirror double edged sword gouge me until I see clearer breath drawing nearer gender funhouse mirror my social dysplasia prey upon my divination the cries are ignored dragonflies my regalia drown me in in paraphernalia mirror double edged sword gouge me until i see clearer breath drawing nearer gender funhouse mirror my social dysplasia prey upon my divination I ain't felt the same since my friend died ever since it's just felt like the end times now I just react like a enzyme with skin like wind chimes words trapped in windpipe I hate when things go right who am I? when I don't have someone to demonize or deify memories crucified never got to see you cry dreams are sleep deprived got to put my youth aside before i get euthanized paralyzed by a pair of lies domesticated by a plot device there’s nowhere left for my truth to hide caked on amnesia caked on synesthesia the organ grinder's monkey survivor of the money woman without a country the cries are ignored dragonflies my regalia drown me in in paraphernalia mirror double edged sword gouge me until I see clearer breath drawing nearer gender funhouse mirror my social dysplasia flesh coat of pain body leaking out the frame burning in water drowning in flame circling the drain flesh coat of pain body leaking out the frame coursing through my veins burning in water drowning flames i am circling the drain with a flesh coat of pain i will not die in vain caked on amnesia caked on synesthesia the organ grinder's monkey survivor of the money woman without a country caked on amnesia caked on synesthesia the organ grinder's monkey survivor of the money woman without a country